Homesick

Well here goes my first real blog entry in forever. Luckily no one reads this anymore but I'm posting anyways. I am so homesick for Taber. It's been 18 months since we moved but I still miss it. I really came to think of it as home. It's the longest I've ever lived in one place and it really became home. Things here are getting to be more familiar and I feel like I have a couple of good friends here but it hasn't become home yet. I have never been a popular girl most of the time I have spent being the ever present wall flower that people either ignored or just didn't notice. I feel like that here unless people are noticing something that seems to prove to them that I'm obviously not good enough. I struggle with confidence in myself, I have my entire life. It's hard when even now I have people who will find out who my sister is and then say to me that it's impossible because she is too pretty. In Taber I was nowhere near the popular girl but I really felt like I belonged. My first real friend in Taber was my mom's age and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. The only person I will name on this blog is her. Heather Farrell is one in a million, I cannot even express what she has meant to me in the time we lived in Taber. I love having someone as a close friend from a different genereation who treated me as an equal. I will always be indebted to Heather for all that she did for me. All of my friends in Taber will never even begin to understand the impact they have had in my life. For the first time ever I felt accepted for who I was regardless of how I looked, how much money I had, what calling I held in the church. I really felt accepted there. I loved knowing so many people in the church but also in the community. I had so many friends of all faiths and that was really important to me. I was talking to a freind of mine on the phone who lives in Taber and it just made me smile to know that they were still there and still willing to take time out of their day to talk to me. It may not seem like much but to me it really means a lot. In no way do I think Taber is the most perfect place on the earth. In fact before we moved there I didn't want to go. I had lived in a small mormon community before and it was such a bad experience that I didn't want to go there agian. But I learned that Taber was different than what I had experienced before. I really loved it. So i guess this has turned into a sort of thank-you note to all those in Taber who had such a great influence on my life. You may not know it but I will always treasure my friends and my time spent there.
Things here are starting to become a new normal. The friends that I have made are great. I am slowly getting into my own groove here. I love the primary kids that I work with, they really are great. I love primary which is good because I am always serving there. It's nice to know that I am even marginally good at something. I have noticed that I have gone back to being the invisible girl again. For example, I went to a meeting at someone's home and later found out that most of the people there hadn't even noticed that I attended. I should be used to it by now, that is how it's been my whole life. I have battled shyness forever and apparently always will. I haven't really discovered a place in my ward. We have a new bishop and I'm sure he doesn't even know my name. Not that that is a bad thing. I struggle with feeling extremely judged by people in this ward but I am working on it.
I have realized that no matter where we are we just have to keep living the way we have chosen, regardless of what life throws at us. I feel like life has thrown me some really hard curveballs but I know that if I keep doing what I know is right that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
So after this long post I just want to say thank-you again to my Taber home. I am really missing you and hope that all is well. Thank-you to our frineds here in Sylvan Lake you have made this transition easier on me.