It's been too long!

Wow, it has been so long since I blogged. Life got in the way and business took over. I doubt anyone even looks at this anymore which works well for me. Life has been so tough as of late. It's funny how tough times make me need a place to express my feelings so I have chosen this as that place. Kyle has been sick now for over a year. It has been really bad as of late. Why is it so hard when someone you love is in pain. I wish that I could take all of the pain so that he doesn't hurt anymore. He has had some major tests and we are waiting (not so patiently on my part) for the results of those tests. We have been blessed to have some amazing friends back in Taber who helped us get Kyle the tests that he needs. Honestly my faith in the medical community has been seriously diminished, but thankfully good friends have helped me regain some of that faith. I think I have realized that I am very lonely and alone here. With the difficult times we have had in this ward I have never felt so alone and unwanted. I miss having support from good friends and ward members. Why is it that when you don't accept bad treatment from others it is always you that ends up alone. Anyone have any advice on how to move on when you have been hurt and ill treated over and over again? I know that turning the other cheek is the way to go but why is it so hard? These trials of the past year have definitely shaken my testimony along the way and that makes me sad. I always thought that I was very strong and stalwart but I have been surprised at how much they have affected me. I miss the confidence I used to have and seem to have lost along the way. It's hard to make what I know in my head match up what I am feeling in my heart. I know that I was aware of the trials that I would have along the way through this life but sometimes it feels like it is a little too much to handle. I would love to have a period of time that would go by quite smoothly, even just for a little while. I am very grateful for the small blessings in my life, I really do appreciate them more and more everyday. My kids are growing like crazy. They are turning into great little people who know how to keep us on our toes. Halle is almost 13 and enjoying middle school. She is very shy around people but has a very good heart. I am trying to find ways to teach her to open up, but she is so much like me at that age. I worry that she will not fit in with the girls in YW. She is so different that they are, hopefully they will see how shy she is and help her open up. She has been excelling in school and really enjoyed playing on the basketball team. She has also been working on her personal progress and is currently making a quilt for one of her 10 hour projects. Brady is 10 and turning into such a great young man. He is very sweet and kind. He is growing and now has feet the same size as mine. He loves school, especially math and science. He has been playing football and despite my reservations has chosen to play again this year. He is enjoying learning the new sport and developing new skills. It's been hard as the parent because he has always been on the small side but I keep telling him that on of these days he will have a growth spurt and catch up to everyone else. Brady loves anything electronic and anything Star Wars. Poor boy has such a nerdy mother that I have led him to my nerdy ways! He really wants to learn to play chase so I am in search of a chess set. Apparently I am going to have to learn to play chess as well. Adam is 6 and growing like a weed. He is loving grade 1 and despite a slow start his reading is growing by leaps and bounds. He loves to learn and is enjoying his teacher and grade 1 experience. He loves to play outside and is really looking forward to summer and all the fun that he can have outside. Adam is such a sweet and loving boy. He is definitely my most emotional child. He loves without reservation and always wants to help those around him. I love his hugs and cuddles. He always makes me smile. Mason is 5 and changing everyday. He cannot wait for kindergarten in the fall. He is starting to read and loves to learn. He loves to draw and write and play with numbers. He is taking swimming lessons right now and is turning into a little fish. I love the great little boy that he is turning into. These kids always manage to make me smile even when they are driving me crazy. It is amazing now much they teach me each and every day. Other than that life is moving on, getting older and hopefully wiser. I am really hoping that things with Kyle will get better and that he will be able to go back to work soon. I miss the routines and security. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. All these things must have a purpose so we will endure it and hopefully come out better for it in the end. Talk to you soon.