Homesick

Well here goes my first real blog entry in forever. Luckily no one reads this anymore but I'm posting anyways. I am so homesick for Taber. It's been 18 months since we moved but I still miss it. I really came to think of it as home. It's the longest I've ever lived in one place and it really became home. Things here are getting to be more familiar and I feel like I have a couple of good friends here but it hasn't become home yet. I have never been a popular girl most of the time I have spent being the ever present wall flower that people either ignored or just didn't notice. I feel like that here unless people are noticing something that seems to prove to them that I'm obviously not good enough. I struggle with confidence in myself, I have my entire life. It's hard when even now I have people who will find out who my sister is and then say to me that it's impossible because she is too pretty. In Taber I was nowhere near the popular girl but I really felt like I belonged. My first real friend in Taber was my mom's age and one of the most amazing people I have ever met. The only person I will name on this blog is her. Heather Farrell is one in a million, I cannot even express what she has meant to me in the time we lived in Taber. I love having someone as a close friend from a different genereation who treated me as an equal. I will always be indebted to Heather for all that she did for me. All of my friends in Taber will never even begin to understand the impact they have had in my life. For the first time ever I felt accepted for who I was regardless of how I looked, how much money I had, what calling I held in the church. I really felt accepted there. I loved knowing so many people in the church but also in the community. I had so many friends of all faiths and that was really important to me. I was talking to a freind of mine on the phone who lives in Taber and it just made me smile to know that they were still there and still willing to take time out of their day to talk to me. It may not seem like much but to me it really means a lot. In no way do I think Taber is the most perfect place on the earth. In fact before we moved there I didn't want to go. I had lived in a small mormon community before and it was such a bad experience that I didn't want to go there agian. But I learned that Taber was different than what I had experienced before. I really loved it. So i guess this has turned into a sort of thank-you note to all those in Taber who had such a great influence on my life. You may not know it but I will always treasure my friends and my time spent there.
Things here are starting to become a new normal. The friends that I have made are great. I am slowly getting into my own groove here. I love the primary kids that I work with, they really are great. I love primary which is good because I am always serving there. It's nice to know that I am even marginally good at something. I have noticed that I have gone back to being the invisible girl again. For example, I went to a meeting at someone's home and later found out that most of the people there hadn't even noticed that I attended. I should be used to it by now, that is how it's been my whole life. I have battled shyness forever and apparently always will. I haven't really discovered a place in my ward. We have a new bishop and I'm sure he doesn't even know my name. Not that that is a bad thing. I struggle with feeling extremely judged by people in this ward but I am working on it.
I have realized that no matter where we are we just have to keep living the way we have chosen, regardless of what life throws at us. I feel like life has thrown me some really hard curveballs but I know that if I keep doing what I know is right that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
So after this long post I just want to say thank-you again to my Taber home. I am really missing you and hope that all is well. Thank-you to our frineds here in Sylvan Lake you have made this transition easier on me.

I saw this quote on Facebook today and it made me stop and think of how I view faith and trust. It ave me a lot to think about.

‎"It takes great faith and courage to pray to our Heavenly Father, “Not as I will, but as thou wilt.” The faith to believe in the Lord and endure brings great strength. Some may say if we have enough faith, we can sometimes change the circumstances that are causing our trials and tribulations. Is our faith to change circumstances, or is it to endure them? Faithful prayers may be offered to change or moderate events in our life, but we must always remember that when concluding each prayer, there is an understanding: “Thy will be done”. Faith in the Lord includes trust in the Lord. The faith to endure well is faith based upon accepting the Lord’s will and the lessons learned in the events that transpire." - Robert D. Hales http://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/behold-we-count-them-happy-which-endure?lang=eng

I am really going to try to post more regularily on here. Talk to you soon.

The Mother-Daughter Book Club by Heather Vogel Frederick

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I loved this book. It's a juvenile fiction and was written for 9-12 year-olds, but I still loved it. Ihad every intention of just reading the first chapter and then putting it down to read something else but it sucked me in. I would love to have a book club with my daughter and read books that I loved when I was young! What a fun read. I think my daughter will really like it too. I'm looking forward to the next book!



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I've been feeling very invisible lately. I'm not even sure why but that's the way it is. Sometimes I find tha life gets hard and just a little frustrating. Iread this on a blog and had to share I think that it's given me a little perspective. It's kind of long but I enjoyed, so I thought some of you might as well.
Invisible Mothers

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible - The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.
"Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?"
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'
I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'
I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner,celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built,and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?
No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.





I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'






As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
I know that the Salt lake temple is not a cathedral but I had to include it because so many sacrifices to build it and I imagind that there were many who contributes to it who did not live to see it built after the 40 years that it took, plus ot's just such a beautiful building!

I came across this C.S.Lewis quote today and remebered how much I love it and how applicable it is to life so I thought that I would share
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
(C.S. Lewis)

This guy is amazing. I want to get his CD!

Les Miserables

A while ago my friend Melanie blogged about seeing the Les Miserables 25 Anniversary Concert in the movie theater. It sounded so amazing and tonight on PBS they showed it. It was amazing. It gave me chills and goosebumps. There is just something about the music from that play that touches me. AMAZING! I thought I'd share a couple of clips.

I love this song. I think she has an amazing voice.


I really enjoy hearing men sing and this was just so good.


I have no words. If you like this kind of musical I bet you would enjoy this.
That being said if anyone ever wants to give me a gift I would love to have this on DVD, then I could watch it whenever I want. Loved it. I hope some of you out there got to see it!